Never Say Never

there was a time when it was a thing to announce one was leaving Facebook, and NEVER coming back... only to be placated into not leaving by an outreach of friends and family saying "don't go we'll miss you " blah blah ... it got so bad that it became a bit of a joke.

So... I'm not leaving Facebook and never coming back.

I am, however. Taking an extended, nearly permanent Hiatus. Ohh sure I know this could totally backfire and I could be back in a week and subject myself to derision. It could happen. Perhaps that is why I'm writing this to solidify my commitment to myself.

Facebook has de-evolved into a mess of trolls, negativity, mockery and posturing. I am as guilty of this as anyone so I am not pointing fingers, I'm just done. Done with ridiculous arguments about tedious things. Done having my news feed taken up with stories about Kim and Kanye and Caitlyn and whomever else I really don't care about.

Done with "repost if you love Jesus"
"repost if you agree"
"repost if you're not stupid"

just done.

done with straw man articles. done with "read this and be informed"
done with bigotry masquerading as devotion. Done with bigotry masquerading as open mindedness.

I've felt this way a while now but justified my addiction by saying "but it's the best place to get news" or "i can keep up with family i never get to see" I'll find other news sources. I'll check in with family monthly and not daily. I'll survive. Hell, i might even thrive. Think of all I can do with the time I spend on Facebook.

I have. Now I want to actually do it.

I'll be around, I'm not leaving. But its been 8 years Facebook, and we can't go on like this anymore, and you've brought just as many bad times and drama as you have good times and joy.

I think it's time to find out what life is like without out you.

Count Your Blessings

>> While going through old files today I found this gem I wrote for my old website about 7 years ago. It seems appropriate to repost it. Of course a lot has happened since then.. but the last line is still pretty relevant.


count your blessings

I've been given cause to reflect on things once again this week. Sometimes I get so bogged down in my life that I forget there are others who deal with much more then I do. My friends brad and traci reminded me of that this week. Brad's blog is @ http://bludysok.blogspot.com/ if you care to read it. there is a church hymn that we sing, that says... "does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear. Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly, and you will be singing as the day goes by"
right now, I feel like singing.

MY BLESSINGS

I am 41 and at my last physical the nurse said I was in great shape, and looked 10 years younger . I am in solid health despite a few nagging aches and pains. that is a blessing

I am not bald.

At my last physical my blood pressure had dropped 20 points.

I have great friends who have proven themselves again this year, as they have been sturdy and reliable. Blain and Brad and Bobbie... thank you very much.

I have great kids. they are smart, talented, sucessful and able to keep themsleves clean from the temptations of the world.

I learned at a young age that there are things in this world that would impair my heath, reason and ablility to function, and have been sucessful in avoiding them for 21 years next month. Realizing this and being able to follow it has been a true blessing for me.

I have great parents who love and support me, were an awesome example for me, taught me how to deal with problems and rely on the Lord when things get difficult. As they age the continue to be vigorous and active in providing a quality example to me.

because of them I have never had to deal with issues such as abuse, neglect, dysfunction or any of the other emotional ailments that plague so many. I can honestly say, I have GREAT PARENTS.

i have the nessecities of life, and some luxuries, a decent car, a nice place to live, a consistent income.

I can play guitar, this has been a constant source of happiness and peace during my life. I am grateful for music and parents who actively made it a part of my childhood, even when at times they didnt want to.

I have the coolest brother in the whole world.
I have the best sisters....

Kirsten , Halie and Cole, they are the best. They are so strong and resilient, smart and artistic, creative and effervescent.. When they are here my steps are quicker and my heart is lighter.
Kenny is amazing. I have never known a 3 year old so full of life and vibrant and caring... and funny

jesus loves me. I know, it sounds so cliche cause so many people say it ..it almost means nothing. But I am telling you. I know he does. I feel it every morning when I open up my heart to him and tell him I need his help to get through the day.

and he always gives it to me.

for this and so much more that I could continue to write. I am truly blessed.

7 songs we hear at Christmas that have nothing to do with Christmas.

ok. so anyone who knows me knows I absolutely love christmas music, and anything associated with christmas music.. but every year there are songs we hear on the radio that have nothing to do with Christmas, here's my top 7

6 and 7 = Jingle Bells and Jingle bell rock
cool.. wintery, but not christmas related

4 and 5 = Do they know it's Christmas and Last Christmas... ok, so maybe it's still my 80's leftover dislike of George MIcheal, and I'll give these two songs credit for having christmas in the title.. But neither of them are about Christmas AT ALL. they just say CHRISTMAS in the title.

3 Hard candy CHristmas.. again.. Christmas in the Title, but nothing NOTHING to do with CHristmas

2 dang I forgot... I'll remember at work tonight and finish this tomorrow


1 Baby it's cold outside. love the song.. but NOTHING TO DO WITH CHRISTMAS

Just What I Wanted for Christmas - Bing Crosby 1958

I'm OK

as always, I grab my blog title from a song... this one is I'm OK off the pieces of eight album by Styx. It was kind of a favorite in high school, because of it's somewhat reaffirming message, helped sooth some of those growing pains that every adolescent goes through.
Funny thing happened on the way to senility. Adulthood.. life.. a couple other things you may have heard about. well.. here's the thing. I find myself saying it a lot lately. Way to much in fact. And usually as a response to the query " how are you, are you OK "

so yes.. let me first say I'M OK.... no really , I am.. but here's the thing

If I'm not OK, the fact that you are asking me about it means you're not the person I want to talk to about things that bug me anyway. And there are really only about three things that bug me more than someone asking me if I'm OK. One of them is Justin Bieber.
Look, I appreciate where the question comes from, and I hope there is genuine concern behind it when I'm asked, but really .. what are you saying to someone when you ask them "are you OK". Sometimes tho, it's really hard to discern. And, to be honest, I'm a little weary of it. I mentioned that to a close friend tonight.. (who by the way I do trust and share things with that are bothering me.. and she responded, unprompted, with exactly what I was thinking)

"yea, I notice you get that a lot from some people on your facebook page..everytime you post something it's like 'are you OK, are you OK ' >> like they're trying to be your mother or something, running to aid you. I want to say sometimes, Look, he's a grown up he can handle problems, stop making bigger deals about things then need be. "

yea, I said, sometimes I think people just use it as an excuse to start a conversation.

I will admit, I can be vague, usually with intent. Before I share something with someone, I want to make sure they listen. I've had too many people around me in my life who didn't listen and only let me talk long enough for them too catch their breath.. too many people who interrupted me mid sentence to say what they felt was important completely ignoring what i had to say.

so I don't share... until i know you hear. when you ask me "are you OK" what I hear is not how can I help you, instead I hear "how can I get what I want from you by pretending to be interested" I know, it's sad a bitter and jaded, but it is what it is. Funny thing is.. when I tell people about it, you know what they say... "oh my gosh are you OK ?? "
>>>> did you not hear what I just said ?

yea, this probably doesn't make much sense, just a tired late night rambling. So let me just make it really easy.. DONT ASK ME IF I'M OK... i will respond with "yea, I'm fine, thanks for caring" and move on.. If I'm not OK, I will take the things that bother me to someone I trust and share them until I either have solved the issue, or have 'got it out of my system'
If you have to ask... I'm not going to tell you, because basically

I'M OK

across the universe

It rained like mad here in Sacramento for two hours last night. between 6 - 8 pm. Of course, I could've told you that it was going to the day before,and infact, I would have. and I did. I knew that's when it was going to rain. You want to know how ? ok, well I'll tell you. See, at my work, I deliver for starbucks.. and on any given day we hit 14 stores.. sometimes more, sometimes less, but usually 14. each store gets a stack of pastry trays, a couple totes with sandwiches, some frozen breakfast goods, a stack of cups condiments, and of course a stack of milk, usually somewhere between 4 and 10 crates. And every day, 2 stores get a weekly order, usually consisting of a pallet (or two) of syrups, mixes, napkins, and any other odds and ends. obviously, it's the process of breaking down and delivering this pallet which gives me, the driver, the most exposure to the outside elements, and that, my friends, is how I knew it was going to rain between 6 and 8 pm last night. Because the two stores that received the weekly order last night were my first two stops, which i deliver to between..yes.. 6 to 8 pm. that's just the way the last month has gone. So, as I pulled out of the sunny warehouse and headed to my first store I wasn't surprised as I crossed over 50 fwy reno that the clouds suddenly appeared, or that the first few droplets fell. By the time I got to the first store, It was a literal downpour. Undaunted, I proceeded with my task. an hour later of constant barrage, I was finished with the first store, and I was soaked. to the bone. I moved on to the second store. Literally wading through water 3 to 4 inches deep, and completed the second delivery. No sooner was I back in the truck with the heater blasting and moving towards stop number three, then the clouds parted, and the rain began to desist. At the third stop one of the barista's commented on my soggy condition.. I just smiled, "sure, i said, can I get a Chai Latte to warm up a bit ? " My request was granted. I walked back to my truck.. reached into my bag and pulled out the three towels I brought with me that night, quickly changed my socks to the extra pair I'd brought along, and took off my shirt and threw on my standard issue work hoodie.. and my warm freezer gloves... and spread out all my wet clothes along the dashboard so the heater could dry them off throughout the rest of the night. And as I sat there in the cab warm, almost dry and sipping my Chai, I thought to myself. "I beat you tonight universe, I beat you !!! "

Liberty

I'm not your ALLY. I'm not your ENEMY. I'm not for or against you, I don't feel like I have the right to decide for you and I honestly don't feel like I need to have an opinion about you. However, the fact that an elect group of rather old people are sitting in a room listening to arguments and deciding about you bothers me, and I didn't like that we all felt we had the right to vote on you. I actually think that's a pretty crass concept. My religion taught me that I fought for your ability to self determination before we were even born, and actually, you right there along side me. We fought against an opponent who wanted to force us all to do what he wanted, because, ironically enough, it would bring us back to God. The story was supposed to teach us that the most prized possession we have is our right to choose for ourselves. Now there are those who are telling me I'm a heretic for thinking you still have that. So be it, I've been called worse things by better people. I never really cared for people who try to manipulate others, either through name calling and bullying tactics, by making rules or laws that discriminate, or by claiming divine authority they don't have.

I'm your friend. I won't pretend to know what's best for you any more than I know what's best for myself. I never have and I am certainly not going to start now. I believe you have a right to live the life you want to live, love who you want to love, and create your own path. Just like I do. I don't think what you decide will undermine me,harm me, or damage my life or society any more than anyone else's. Really, that to me is the most extreme hyperbole.

But as your friend I have to tell you, I also believe that, like most of us, once you get married you will discover it's not the grand institution that it's cracked up to be. It's really just more work, sacrifice and compromise, more about caring about others and less about getting what you want. BUT I FULLY BELIEVE YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO FIND THAT OUT !

Rights are a funny thing, I've always said half jokingly, the only right you really have is the you one can stop people from taking. i.e. the one you have to fight for. I support your right to that fight. I really hope you win. But I still don't fully grasp why this is a fight. Over two hundred years ago a man universally respected said stuff like this was self evident.

I don't dislike you and I don't fear you, I'm not for or against you and I'm not even sure how it got to the point that it matters, . Maybe it always did and I just was too naive to notice. Maybe I just thought "Liberty and Justice for all" weren't just words on paper but actually a motif we believed in.