the kids are alright

yesterday was kenny's 7th birthday, he is smart, witty, charming and adorable, reads at a 8th grade level and gave his first talk in church last week. Kirsten turns 20 in less then 3 weeks, she is a senior at otis school of fine art, majors in digital design and her biggest fans are her teachers. Halie turned 17 a few months back, she's played in the school marching band, buddist youth symphony and auditioned for the LA youth symphony. She is into fashion design and is home schooling her senior year. Cole will be 15 in Jan, he has designed and created two video games, won honorable mention in the LA county 8th grade science fair as a sixth grader, and plays soccer. WOW.. my kids are growing up way to fast, and sucessful. I used to joke that i would put a brick on thier heads to stop them from growing. Not sure it would have worked. Not sure i would have wanted it to.
..so... i''ll be leaving to head up to sac this weekend to spend it with kenny. He called me the other day to 'clarify' what he wanted for his birthday.. "a laptop", he says, "like all my brothers and sisters" i smiled. "did you tell mom" "yes" he replies..."what did she say" "she said, talk to you father, so i called you"..
... well, he's getting an itouch.. i think that is enough for a 7 year old. This summer has been all about my kids. being with them, getting them exposed to my parents and family (i've already chronicled that in a blog below) and sharing with them parts of my childhood and experiences that they wouldn't have normally got. It's been great. I'll be honest, i didn't get everything done i wanted to, but i got more done then i usually do, but there were some unexpected surprises along the way, i feel closer to them and our relationships are stronger then they've ever been, and I am so so so very grateful that this year has played out the way it did. It wasn't originally going to be that way.
...so, this is the part where it gets nasty; for that i apologize. I have come to realize how very smart my kids are, and i need to say it. All four of them throughout the first part of the year were trying to tell me something and for the longest time i wasn't listening... but once i did.. the message was very clear.
This marriage wasn't a good idea.
Each had thier own unique way of telling me. Kenny flat out refused to acknowledge the engagement, even tho he enjoyed his new friends when we visited thier house, he would always tell me when we left, "you're not going get married" .. Cole, well, He could never keep her name strait.. I would find out later that wasn't by accident. Halie... most loving and most protective of her dad, let her displeasure known from the very beginning, in a very polite yet unmistakable way. and kirsten.. well, she is so stealth and subtle, only i can read those cues(they are the same cues I give out). After we broke up, she simply said "you never loved her enough to get married".

..so the other day i got a 'quiet' email from the former fiancee. She said she still visits my FB page to "check in on your kids". I've been told she's getting alot of mileage talking about how she 'loved' my kids, and I'm sure in her mind she did, but i remember it differently. I remember the talks we had and the things she said. How she hoped she could 'fix' my kids. AND I remember during one of her tantrums she called her sister "fat and lazy" and during another she said one of her best friends was "fat and ugly and would never get married".. and I remember the angry words directed at me also whenever she lost her temper. I realized i didn't need to expose my kids to that... and knew my kids didn't trust her, and the truth is, i didn't trust her either. My kids don't need to be fixed. The kids are alright.