Why Can't I

prologue :

a few years back i got a call from my former wife, "steve" she said, "I was talking to the kids today, and I'm a little worried." I had just finished having each of my kids visit me separately on successive weekends, so she continued "Kirsten told me when she was there you didn't go to church" well, yea I think I was sick "and Halie told me when she was there you didn't go to church" well, yea, we were in Tahoe that weekend.. "and Cole said when you were there you didn't go to church " yea, that one i just kinda skipped out on ..she finished "that's three weeks in a row you didn't go to church. I've known you seventeen years and you NEVER MISS three weeks of church..are you OK??" there was genuine concern. the point here is this..It was such an anomaly that it merited legitimate worry.

WHY CAN'T I ?
I was raised in a very religious home. I will not say strict, because my parents did not raise us in what I call a strict manner. There was little punishment, no coercion, no threats or anything that is usually associated with strictness, there was just activity. WE DID... WE DID CHURCH STUFF. Where other folks would spend a weekend boating or fishing.. we gardened, performed christian service, went to church socials and in general lived a church life. IT was what we did. It was my childhood. I didn't know anything else, so I thought it was what 'normal people did'. I thought everyone read scripture for a half hour before bed. I thought everyone prayed 3 to 4 times a day (not counting meals). I thought everyone took time on a saturday to go visit the sick people in the congregation. I had no idea my life was dramtically different from most people.

High School was a little different, I saw there were other lifestyles out there, but then I got married. Suddenly I found out not every family grew up having a weekly family council to co-ordinate the families activities. Not everyone went to every church social 30 minutes early to help set up and stayed and hour late to help clean up. Not everyone was raised the way I was. Even in my own religion, my family was extreme. And not only did the other families not do it.. they didn't understand why I/We did it .. or why i was so disappointed when it didn't happen. Indeed, when I look back, I can see how it caused a lot of friction in both my marriages, my inability to adjust to someone else's paradigm, or explain mine to them.

Well, that changed a few years ago when i met someone who had been raised with the same paradigm I had, and, ironically enough, it had caused friction in her marriage when she found her mate didn't do things the same way. One of the things we helped each other work through was that not everyone had our experiences and we needed to be more open to that.

... and this is relevant because yesterday morning at 9:00 AM i got a text from a close friend, who is going through his own divorce, he and his son were at their campsite on the lake and wanted to know If my son and I wanted to join them for a day or two. Immediately the training of so many years ran through my head "No, it's sunday, you can't waterski on sunday. You'll be violating the sabbath. God and your family will be displeased. You're setting a bad example for your son, he won't grow up true to the faith if you take him out on sunday" and a host of other things proper, devout, religious thoughts ran through my head. I was about to say NO, we can't make it when suddenly a small thought popped into my head "WHY CAN'T I"

Why can't I, for one sunday, go spend a day with a friend having some fun with our sons on the lake. Why do I have to spend every week in the church. I'm almost 50 years old and yet I am still so paranoid about offending god by not going to church one week that I can't even consider going out and having fun. Even on the days now when I don't go to church (which are still very rare)I always stay home and always try to find some way to devote some sort of time to a devotional. And I certainly don't ever do anything "FUN" I still feel guilty when I stop at the grocery store.

So, I decided, I was going, and I was taking Cole and we were going. We loaded up the car and got to the Lake and for 2.5 hours we had an absolute blast. Then, of course, it happened. God stretched out his hands and punished my insolence. Cole cut his foot on the propeller and we had to rush off the lake and over to the ER. It wasn't an accident, it wasn't coincidence, it wasn't anything but pure divine retribution. Nevermind all of the other people there on the lake that day, it was all about me and only me. God reached out and smacked me to the curb.. well, he smacked my son, to get to me. IF i had any doubt about that, my ex wife courteously reminded me of that in a text.

I suppose the next time the opportunity comes up i will think twice about tempting god.. or fate.

I am sure that's how some people will see it. I think I am actually seeing it a little different today.

WHY CAN'T I ???