The sound of Silence.

It's funny sometimes the things we learn about ourselves. I had a little flash of insight just the other day, as I was driving to Kenny's TaeKwonDo test. I was musing over life, friends, family, relationships. You know, the usual stuff. Now, I don't really remember how the train of thought rumbled down this particular track, but as I was reflecting on different experiences I've had in the past; what worked and what didn't, when I felt at peace or in chaos, comfortable or uncomfortable, or whatever, something I had written in response to a question a few years ago came back and kinda hit me. After Kenny's mom and I split a friend suggested I make a list of "wants" for prospective relationship partners, sort of a checklist, if you will. I have to be honest, it turned out to be basically a list of "don't wants" from past experiences, but one of them read "She must be able to let me talk for 20 minutes uninterrupted, and If I say everything I have to say in 5 minutes, she must be able to sit quietly for the remaining 15"
So, as I was driving saturday, I kicked this around my head for a while and realized something very important, to me at least, was silence. The women I have been able to get closest to were women who weren't afraid of silence, in fact, they welcomed it. They didn't have to be constantly prattling on about something, trying to show their intelligence, prove their worth, or just fill empty space. They could be content just sitting quietly on a couch, at a park, in the Arena, in a car watching the stars move, or even just sitting on the phone, not talking. Simply enjoying the knowledge that the person you cared about was on the other end relishing the fact that you were connected, just by being connected. And I realized how important silence, or the ability to be silent, is to me.
I am guessing that will sound funny to some people, but the ability to be silent, to hear without speaking and listen to the person's inner voice, is so rare, and so vital to me. We used to call it being in sync. We would wake up at nearly the same time every morning, and just know that the other person was awake, and whether or not they were in a good mood or needed a quick pick me up. We were truly tuned to each other.

Thing is, you can't fake it. If you are a talker, even when you don't talk, you're still agitated...you fidget, bounce around... silence makes you uncomfortable.. You need to fill it with the sound of your own self importance.

but me.. i don't fear the sound of silence. I crave it.